minimalist_snail

it has come to my somewhat fragmented, often fleeting, and intermittently functioning realization—though it should be noted that this realization itself may lack the full robustness of realization that would generally accompany a moment of clarity—that the general level of attentiveness with which i approach the abstract and often nebulous concept of being attentive may not, in fact, be operating at the level of attentiveness that one might typically associate with a heightened and fully functional state of attention; moreover, it appears increasingly plausible that the attention i seem to be directing towards any given set of circumstances, tasks, or conversational exchanges may be characterized by a certain degree of inattentiveness that is likely to compromise, if not outright undermine, my ability to engage in those situations with the full and undivided focus that said situations would presumably necessitate, were i to operate under a standard of attentiveness that is, unfortunately, as yet beyond my grasp; accordingly, should you, in your own vastly superior and highly honed capacity for attentiveness—assuming, of course, that your attention does not suffer from the same chronic lapses that mine does, though i suppose that’s a matter for another discussion—find yourself in the position of perceiving any notable shortcomings or deficiencies related to my attentiveness, or, more precisely, the lack thereof, i would be most grateful, nay, i would implore you, with all due respect and urgency, to take whatever steps are necessary to direct your attention, with great deliberation and meticulous care, to the matter of making me aware—though, again, there’s a non-zero chance that my awareness may not fully register your efforts, given the aforementioned issues with my attention span—of the fact that my attentiveness has, in this case, failed to live up to the expectations one might reasonably have for someone attempting to engage in activities that require a baseline level of attention, and i would furthermore ask that, once you have succeeded in bringing this attentiveness-related issue to my attention, you exercise whatever remaining patience you possess (which, i can only hope, has not been entirely depleted by the arduous task of navigating my inattentiveness thus far) in allowing me the time and mental space needed to attempt to refocus my attention on the specific attentiveness-related matters that you have so kindly and attentively highlighted for me, so that i may, in turn, and to the best of my limited abilities, address these attentiveness shortcomings in a manner that reflects a heightened, though perhaps still somewhat deficient, degree of attention, which, by my current standards, would represent a significant improvement over the clearly inadequate attention i have heretofore displayed; however, should my efforts to increase my attentiveness prove insufficient, which is entirely possible given the long-standing nature of this issue, i would once again be indebted to you if you could take it upon yourself to—without undue strain on your own attentiveness, of course—provide me with additional reminders, gentle or otherwise, as the situation demands, to ensure that my focus does not drift back into the realm of inattentiveness, as it is so often prone to do, thereby enabling me to continue the ongoing and likely lifelong process of attempting to bring my attention to the level of attentiveness required by life’s ever-growing and increasingly complex array of attention-demanding responsibilities, though, admittedly, the odds of this process reaching a satisfactory conclusion remain uncertain at best, especially given the circular nature of my attentiveness problem, which, as you can see, brings us back to the initial issue of whether i can truly attend to the very act of being attentive in the first place, a question for which i, regrettably, have no clear or definitive answer at this time. in other words: let me know if i’m not payin attention so i can try to pay attention